The Morning After Chill


I realize that the only Valentine’s Days I ever enjoyed are the ones I have had with my girlfriends. It’s not a day I like particularly, for the specific reason that it breaks the momentum of excitement of my coming birthday. I have never been too happy with a celebration so soon before my birthday. Period. And then I ended up marrying a guy who has his birthday two days before mine. Bummer. I just want to move my birthday to the 11th of February. February, because it’s my favorite month. And 11th, because it is before Valentine Day and before his birthday. More importantly it is the birthday of a dear friend who passed on so early and I like the idea of celebrating her life with mine.

Come to think of it I broke up with at least two people on Valentines Days in the distant past. On both instances I had this feeling that they might propose which freaked me out. And I said to each, on both occasion, that if they were to—on one knee, at a restaurant—ask me to marry them, that I would say “No”. Conventionalities such as these really bore me. Nevertheless, the declaration led to arguments and for a few days we didn’t see each other. We would make up in time for my birthday though..

What is this cliché though? I mean, for heterosexual couples. Why would one want to be proposed that way? On one knee. With a ring. In the middle of a restaurant. And clearly the woman wants it, and expects it, and is ready to accept.

My issue is with all of the above: Why is the man on one knee, begging? Also, clearly you’ve been together for a while, has the conversation never come to this? How is this a surprise all of a sudden?

And the ring of course. For which I have a huge problem. Because a woman wearing a diamond ring in my mind means, announcing to the world, “I am bought”, and the size of the diamond says “This is my price”. Now do you see my issue? I don’t have an engagement ring, and I don’t wear a wedding ring. I am not bought, and no one has to know my marital status.

Lastly why wait for the man to ask? Clearly you want it. I realize I have never been proposed. I have been married twice and on both times I was the one who brought the subject up and asked it.

So... Should you wait for something to come to you? Or should you be the master of your own destiny? Should you further the categorization of women in general, and also, married women by the size of the rings they are wearing? Can things change?

The system stays strong to maintain the status quo. I say let’s take action, and move on to Plan B.

Photo Credit—and so much more—to Dani, whom I never doubt loves me because of his words and deeds all day, every day..

#ValentinesDay

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